Terrible, this winter. It's been snowing these past few days, but now snow has turned into freezing drizzle. The snow leftovers on the ground are melting. I came home after walking the dog this morning with shoes full of dirty water. It's disgusting.

Everyone's in a bad mood, constantly complaining. Me too. I must have somehow missed the moment I turned into a meteoropathic. I used not to care. Some of the worst things in my life happened on the loveliest days. And vice versa. Now I just blame it on the weather. My ultimate complaint is that I can't go shooting outdoors. It's not just that I don't want to risk getting my camera wet, it's that there's nothing to shoot and my inspiration has hit an all-time low. So here's the upteenth shot of Una playing in the living room...

another blog!

But this time in Serbian. My old colleague Ivan Bevc asked me to contribute to his ever-growing blogging community at City Magazine Belgrade. So I said yes, the attention whore that I am. And now I'm going to spend even more time at the computer. Yay.

I need to grow up. Presto.

"Fernweh" means "wanderlust" in German. But "wanderlust" (Lust auf Wandern) is also a 100% German word, which probably means that a desire to travel is not a very English sentiment since there's no English word for it. Or maybe the Germans were more convincing at it. They are still the no.1 worldwide tourists. Perhaps because living in Germany makes one want to get out of Germany as often as possible? :)

I'm kidding - Germany can be great, and we are lucky enough to be living in its most beautiful part. This is a fact and not open to discussion. But I've already been there, done that. Besides, any place that's less than a couple of hundred kilometers away (at the very least) doesn't really count. How about something new and unexplored?

Coincidentally (or rather, typically) wanderlust couldn't have picked a worse moment to lay its merciless paws on me. My husband is between jobs, my daughter is not really travel-friendly. I can already hear her indignant cries of boredom echoing along formidable museum halls. I see myself, quite clearly, panic-stricken and oozing cold sweat while searching for the next diaper-changing facility where there's none to be found, not for hours, not for miles.

And yet. A TGV can get you from Karlsruhe to Paris in 03h 03min for €28,00. Which makes you think - so what if you can't really afford the shopping of a lifetime at Galleries Lafayette? What if taking the baby with you means you won't really be able to spend the whole afternoon at the Louvre? For the price of a restaurant meal, you'll be in Paris, rather than here. You'll be breathing Parisian air, you'll be eating that perfect croissant, you'll be watching Spring's first gentle zephyr breathing life into the City of Lights. (I don't think I'd have much trouble getting a job at a travel agency).

I used to travel a good deal when I was younger. I believe it's the best way to spend one's hard-earned money. You'll never regret a journey, even if it fails to live up to your expectations. It is the easiest and most excting way to gather new experience. So that you can become a wiser person and live life to the fullest. As you can see, I've got it all planned. There's just this discrepancy between dreams and reality I need to deal with. My most unrealistic and unlikely-to-happen plans and wishes are usually the most perfectly planned ones. Why can't I make the most of an afternoon in Baden-Baden instead? Why not be happy with what you've got?

About the photo: A souvenir from travels past. Luxembourg in March 2007, shot on slide film.

Una is feeling better respiratory-wise. Now we have other problems to deal with. It seems she's already started chasing that universal ambition of girls aged 10 to 19 - to look like Victoria Beckham - because she's kind of not eating anymore. All the good and healthy things that she used to like she doesn't like now; she's only into carbs (that's where she misunderstood the Beckham agenda of starvation, but after all, she's only one - plenty of time to catch up). So naive me thought that by serving her home-made meals instead of the soulless, generic Hipp jars I would get her to eat something with a vitamin or two. I went to the most expensive supermarket in town and bought 80g of fresh, organic salmon for €2.80, some lovely new potatoes and chard. I steam-cooked the lot, finely chopped it and mixed it with a couple of spoons of lovely, fresh curd. At first, she wouldn't even taste it and after I tricked her to take one tenth of a baby spoon into her mouth, she spent the next five minutes trying to fish out a micro-particle of fish with her fingers as if she had a hair on her tongue.

So motherhood can be very frustrating. My friend Sonja and I were discussing the pros and cons of going back to work. And I mean work that pays as opposed to photography. The only problem is, my usual work pays so little, I shouldn't go back to it if I don't want to lose the last bits of self-respect I've got left. You could say that I'm faced with an existential dilemma. Or that I'm stalling because I don't really know what I want. It's obvious that I need a change, but if I do start working it's more than likely that I'll end up being much unhappier than I am now. Because I'm not even unhappy, not at all.

Until I figure out what to do, I'll be blogging and waiting for spring. When the weather gets just a bit nicer, I'm planning a city-or-nature shooting on slide film because I haven't cross-processed in a while and I miss it. Digital photography is a Hipp jar.

About the photo: Una with her new bosom friend, a Kleenex. I called this photo "Hitchcockian" for obvious reasons. And it fits the previous blog entry more than this one, but at the time I was writing the other one I was so desperate I didn't feel like illustrating the point.

...but it snows. I said I was going to save the rant for sunnier days (which will come, or so everyone claims, but today it seems like winter is going to last another sixty years) but it's snowing again. And the temperatures are still below zero, so sunshine is not to be counted upon.

I also mentioned new year's resolutions. Right now, talking about such trifles is the last thing on my mind. Today, exactly two weeks after being diagnosed with bronchitis for the first time, Una is down with bronchitis yet again. So I may make a new year's resoluton to lose 20 kg in the next twelve months, but no decision of mine can make my kid get healthy. No one's will is that strong.

So everyone tells you that this is normal - that kids this age are always down with something, that their noses are constantly runny, that their immune systems are so sensitive they're bound to collapse at the slightest blow. But bronchitis times two in two weeks? I've never even heard of that before. And she can't sleep without suffering a coughing fit so severe it makes her throw up four, five times within fifteen minutes. So I take her out of the bed to stop her from choking, and she screams because she's exausted and sleepy and can't really breathe. Within minutes, she's better - she smiles, she always smiles - but she is not rested and I know it will all resume as soon as she lies down again.

It's like a cruel joke. You think you are prepared. You even remember your own illnesses when you were little. You remember your parents' worried faces on the way to the ER in the middle of the night. But the truth is, you are far from ready. Since she was born we had to battle hip dysplasia for months; she was down with a virus when she was just 12 days old; she had summer flu on holiday where I had to take her to the hospital at four in the morning; three eye infections, constipation, eczema, severe diaper dermatitis, endless colds. I feel like I've seen every pediatrician's waiting room in this city. But I'm still so far from prepared. And the fact that there are kids who are much sicker is no consolation.

I can't seem to get over the unfairness of it all. I hope that in the years to come, I will become one of those parents who can just shrug their shoulders and get on with their lives. But I doubt it.